


The Last Spring

by indeliblestars



Category: Alice Oseman, Heartstopper, Osemanverse, Solitaire
Genre: Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Multi, Please have faith that this fic is good please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16049672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indeliblestars/pseuds/indeliblestars
Summary: Oliver Spring is all grown up and facing his teen years with a confidence and mental stability that his older siblings never did. That doesn’t mean his life is all sunshine and rainbows though, oh no. The pressures of being Mr. Perfect are getting to him and stresses are piling up. Including but not limited to: his questionable love life, planning to be part of two drama productions and a webseries, and who can forget school work?Will Oliver be able to keep up his reputation or will everything come tumbling down around him?





	1. Chapter 1

 

**one**

 

I WAS IN too deep, that is to say past puberty and into the gross pit of teenagedom, before I realised I unknowingly created the image of the _Oliver Spring_.

He’s loud, popular, the class clown who’s actually funny and not disgustingly disrespectful (only moderately so). He’s the spark that lights the fire of all drama productions. He may not be the most academic but he excels in the classes he chooses. He’s good looking too, in that messy, not-even-trying way. The classic tall, dark, and handsome, you could say, although I think it’s bullshit that term refers to hair and never dark skin.

 _He has a good energy, that boy,_ is a sum of what his teachers say about him.

It all boils down to one word in the end: perfect.

It’s so untrue but so rooted in people’s perception of him that it can’t be fought anymore.

They’ll say: “Oliver Spring, honestly what can’t you do?”

The response? “Whistle. It haunts me.”

And even though I’m him, even though my birth certificate reads Oliver (Jonathan) Spring, I feel this deep detachment from who I am and who I am perceived to be. There’s a chasm between the two and I’m constantly doing the splits across it to try and hold it all together. Hold myself together.

The thing is, recently, I don’t feel I’m doing the best job.

I’m an actor though. I will continue performing because that’s what I’m good at. It doesn't matter that I’m nearly falling. I’m fine. I have to be.

“You okay there, Oliver?” A deep voice asks, one that belongs in the body of an old man and not, the sixth former, Naveen Verma. I start because I didn’t realise he was sitting beside me which is weird because I’m usually highly attuned to Naveen’s presence.

But I obviously haven’t been aware of anything, as everyone is getting up and raring to go while I’ve completely missed what our warm-up exercise is. I’m at rehearsal for the school musical and sitting in a quickly disintegrating circle. The teacher in charge, Mr Hale, always does these little activities before we start as he claims we can’t jump right in. It’s the complete opposite of the approach the youth theatre group I’m in takes: they expect you to memorise your lines at impossible rates.

I turn to Naveen with one of my classic smiles. “Of course.”

My direct attention causes Naveen to blush and look down at his hands. I take immense pleasure at this. “You looked like you were really thinking about something.”

“Me? Thinking? Don’t be ridiculous,” I joke, lounging back while keeping my eyes on him. Easy, cheeky, cool. This front does come in handy.

“Well, whatever it was, you were clearly zoned out. Wanna partner up so I can fill you in?”

This is a surprising offer since even though we’re friends, we’re the casual kind. We nod at each other in the hallway and have known of one another since primary school, but we’ve never been close. This could’ve been different. We were nearly best friends when we were younger, bonded over a love of tractors, but we ended up not being the same class of boy, so we drifted into different circles.

We both have closer friends in the musical so we never usually pair up but I can’t say I’m complaining. I play up the dramatics as I say, “You can fill me in whenever you want.”

Naveen doesn’t get a chance to respond, which he’s probably grateful for since he looks uncomfortable with my weirdness. Instead, a brash voice behind me makes me jump. “Is he finally fucking you, Spring?”

I turn to see Thea Cromwell towering over me. She’s smirking, and one glance at her is all it takes for irritation to fill my veins.

Let me get this straight: I’m not a hateful or judgemental person. I’m a people pleaser and usually get on with everyone. The exception to this is Thea. She’s seriously the most annoying person to exist.

While I have that _oh shucks I’m not perfect_ thing going on, Thea has an _I know damn well I’m perfect_ thing she accentuates to all around her. She’s a know-it-all akin to Hermione Granger and makes sure everyone knows how infuriatingly dedicated and enthusiastic she is.

She says what she wants even if it’s not what others want to hear, unlike me who hands what others want to hear on a silver platter. She constantly heads for the questions that make a person squirm. She's like the human equivalent of truth or dare, and just as sexually exploratory.

Ever since undergoing a duckling to swan transformation, hitting puberty late but hitting it hard, she wears her school skirt short and has hoop earrings dangling through her kinky hair. She openly calls herself slutty but would stamp you to death with her Doc Martens if you agreed.

I could handle all of that if it wasn’t for the worst thing: she sees who I am. She makes assumptions about me and what is really going on under my loud and popular mask. She has a talent for scrutinising and analysing and it’s not something I admire, especially since she’s always bloody right. I honestly pray for the day I get to tell her she’s wrong.

I guess you could call us rivals. We both want the same things: to be in theatre, to be the best in general, and to be with Naveen. Although the Naveen point is moot since I don’t openly admit I have a thing for him, and Thea and Naveen recently broke up.

She’s making a subtle dig now, with her joke about me finally fucking Naveen, and I don’t have a clapback. She knows this too and is gleeful about it. I can’t do anything about it because she’s hitting too close to my insecurities. I.e., my sexuality.

The thing is I know I’m attracted to boys but I’ve previously been good at avoiding this attraction. Mainly because it was always so noticeable, so violent. The stimulus I get when a boy laughs in a way that glows, or comes just that bit too close, or takes their top off in front of me, usually hits me with a smack hard enough that I know to run.

This didn’t happen with Naveen, the violence. No, he was different. He crept in softly. He’s quiet and he makes me feel quiet. It’s calming. I really like him.

Thea’s taking advantage of this right now and it is frustrating enough to make me want to punch through a wall.

“Well?” Thea says, putting her hands in the pockets of her blazer. “Are you two just going to gawk at me or are we going to get on with the task? I got us a prompt.”

“No,” I say immediately, not caring I’m showing weakness, “No, no, no.”

“I’m afraid it’s a yes. This is a trio task and you’re stuck with me because everyone else already has their group. Maybe if you were actually paying attention you wouldn’t have been stuck with me.”

“I—”

“Anyway,” Thea says plowing straight through me, “it’s just your average improvisation exercise. Each group got a prompt and this is ours.” She tosses a piece of paper to me and after I scramble for it I read the words: _awkward situation_. I almost laugh. No need to act for that.

I look to Naveen who is stoic and silent. He’s too polite to object to this if he wanted to. I don’t know much about Thea and Naveen’s break up but it’s a breakup; isn’t that enough knowledge to know that these two shouldn’t be budding up for a drama exercise? Why would Thea even want to be in a group with her ex-boyfriend and me?

She’s probably a masochist. It really wouldn’t surprise me.

 **-**  

By the time it’s our turn to perform, I’m buzzing from the close proximity to both Thea and Naveen for very different reasons. It hasn’t even been long, since we aren’t allowed to prepare and are being thrown in front of everyone. It is improv, after all.

Thea starts, choosing the direction we’re going in before Naveen or I can get a word in. “You guys did say you were down for this right? Like I know a threesome can be a bit weird the first time but do you have to look so uncomfortable?”

I roll with it because I’m an _actor_ and try not to glare daggers at Thea for picking this situation. Instead, I scratch the back of my neck and look down as I let out an awkward cough. “Well, Prudence, my dear.” I see Thea suck in her cheeks at the name I gave her and see it as a victory. “See, I thought when we agreed to this we were going for another, um, girl,” I turn to Naveen, “Not that I don’t think you’re, uh, attractive? You’re fine, Will,”

“Bill,” Naveen corrects bluntly, folding his arms and raising his eyebrows as he finds his role.

“Sorry Bill, it’s just I’m not into, well, that,” I gesture to my crotch area.

“And I thought my name had prude in it,” Thea mutters.

“I’m not _gay_ ,” and I don’t want to admit that some of my own adamancy about the matter might creep into my character’s.

“And what? I am? It’s not always about your pleasure, you know!”

The three of us continue our bit, me as the idiotic straight dude, Thea as the huffy girlfriend who wants to spice up her dead relationship, and Naveen as the grumpy guy who didn’t sign up for this drama and just wants to get laid.

We send everyone into fits and I don’t know if I want to admit it but we work well as a team. Our odd trio.

**-**

I get blocked from trying to catch Naveen after rehearsal when someone in the chorus, Jamie, comes up to me radiating excited and/or nervous energy.

“What’s up?” I ask, picking my school bag up off the section of the floor everyone throws their stuff in at the start of rehearsal. I swing it around my shoulders.

“Okay, so you can totally say no if you want,” Jamie starts, “but basically I’ve been planning on doing this webseries for ages and there’s this character, Luke, that I think you’d be really good as.”

“Oh cool, what’s it about?”

“It’s all really hard to explain but if you want I can send you the script for episode one? Then you can see if you’d like to be Luke? I just need one more person and I think you’d be perfect!”

I think:

_I’m busy._

_I literally have so much stuff I’ve agreed to._

_It’s not a good idea to do this._

“That sounds lit as fuck, count me in. You have me on Facebook, yeah?”

Jamie grins so wide I’m worried their face might snap in two. “Yes! Thank you! I’ll message you as soon as I get home!”

“I can’t wait to read it,” I say, and I hate how false I feel over someone else’s passion and creation. It does sound cool, it really does, but I can’t say I’m looking forward to doing this when I have to practise for an audition, and do homework as well. “Talk to you later.”

I leave Jamie and make my way out the back door and into the cool evening air. I immediately spot Naveen and Thea leaning on the wall opposite me. They’re closer than they need to be and when Naveen laughs, I feel my stomach lurch.

I have the strangest urge to eavesdrop on them. I resist this and push down my curiosity, forcing myself to walk past them.

I only get so far down the street however before someone catches me up, and not the one of the two I would’ve liked.

“What could you possibly want now, Thea?” I ask as she settles into step beside me. It feels weird with her matching my stride. We never walk together even though she only lives a street down from me.

“Are you auditioning for _Dear Evan Hansen_ with Shining Stars?” Thea asks. ‘Shining Stars’ is the youth theatre group we’re both in. It makes sense that this is why she approached me.

“What do you think?”

“We’re going to end up being Evan and Zoe, aren’t we?”

There was no point being modest, not around Thea. “Probably,” I shrug.

“It’ll be interesting to play your love interest.”

I don’t even try to unpack that. We turn a corner and I try to stalk off ahead but of course, Thea won’t let me. God, she’s like a leech, or a barnacle. Something that sticks and doesn’t let go.

“How did you do on our English test?” she asks, because she can’t give it a rest. Our teachers, specifically my English teacher, have been giving us practice tests recently as exam prep.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I got a 91%,”

“Isn’t that nice.”

“So… better, worse?”

“I’m not playing your little rival game.”

“So, worse.”

Actually, I got 92%, but I can’t be arsed with this. Instead, I change the subject to something I’m actually interested in. “Can I ask you something?”

Thea raises her eyebrows. “Something?”

“What’s you and Naveen’s deal?”

“How’d you mean?”

“Well, I thought you broke up?”

“We did,” Thea confirms.

I just look at her.

She sighs, “It was amicable okay? We were just missing something and we both kept fancying other people. That doesn’t mean everything that was there is just gone.”

I take this in and want to pry further but feel like I’ve gotten enough. So I just nod at her, and for once Thea keeps her gob shut, and we end up walking in silence. It gets dark enough for the streetlamps to come on and they highlight Thea’s dark features.

We eventually make it to the end of her street and we don’t say goodbye. She just goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so basically i chose the most obscure osemanverse thing to do since i hate writing characters that are already well established, and i thought of this idea so here we are! i hope you like my ocs i've made for oliver's story and you should see if you can point out any younger siblings along the way.... so yeah! i'm posting writing again! please be gentle with me - Skye x


	2. Chapter 2

 

**two**

 

I AM TIRED.

This is not just because it’s Monday, but because I spent half the night consoling my friends in a crisis. Two of my mates fell out, I can’t even remember what about, and I was the one each of them came to. They ranted and complained. In the end, I convinced each party to talk to one another and sort it out. 

How droopy my eyes are isn’t good, especially as I walk into first period to be greeted with a Spanish test. I’m pretty good at Spanish if I do say so myself. My Dad has taught me some over the years, and last summer before we went to see his family in Mojácar, Spain, I forced him to properly teach me. So, in theory, my state of tiredness shouldn’t really matter, but that doesn’t appear to be the case in practice.

The reality of the situation is here I am, somehow sitting behind Naveen, as papers get passed around. Naveen turns in his seat, and I stare at him. He gives me a funny look and it takes me far too long to realise he’s just passing me the question papers.

I blush and take them, putting one on my desk before handing the others to my classmate, Chloe, sitting behind me. She also gives me a funny look, this one knowing like she can see into the depths of my soul, all the way down to seven-year-old me, and I wonder if I’m going crazy.

When I turn back Naveen is still facing me and gives me this small smile, like a secret. 

And then that’s it. I’m a goner. The test starts and anything Spanish related is whipped from my mind. I feel blood rushing in my ears. I stare at the back of Naveen’s neck. Where his hairline gently fades away into trickling wispy hairs.

He reminds me of honey, from the tones of his skin to his sweet demeanour. 

He looks soft and warm and I fall asleep imagining I’m in his arms. Thinking of honey. Of hot chocolate, cosy jumpers, orange leaves, and autumn. 

**_**   
  


I wake up embarrassed and with 10 minutes left. I answer the first couple of questions but don’t exactly get far before the bell rings. I debate just putting my test in the bin instead of my teacher’s desk on the way out of the classroom. But I slap it down and I’m about to leave with my head hanging when I’m called back.

I get a disappointed talking to, about how I need to try and how this is not acceptable behaviour. I want to argue the entire time but hold my tongue. There’s no point. Teachers don’t see students as people, which I guess is fair since teachers aren’t viewed as people either. 

“I thought you were better than this, Oliver,” comes up and I want to stab myself in the eyes.

The hallway is empty by the time I walk out of class. Well, almost empty. Thea is leaning against the wall, high and mighty like she thinks she’s an aristocrat.

Now, I really want to stab myself in the eyes.

I plan to just ignore her, walk down to my next class, but then she says, “You’re kinda pathetic, you know.”

What the fuck, like literally,  _ what the fuck _ ? “What’s your problem?” I ask, marching up to her so we’re face to face.

“You’re my problem.”

I draw in a breath. “I don’t understand what I’ve done to offend you so much.”

Thea smiles and it isn’t kind. I think she likes feeling mean, as if it’s a blanket of power. It gives me chills. She has cold tones to oppose Naveen’s warm ones and she’s channelling the frost towards me now. “You don’t appreciate how lucky you are. You’re smart, good-looking, a talented actor and singer, and popular with the perfect middle-class household. Yet here you are sleeping through tests and turning up the teen angst as if you have anything to complain about.  _ Boo hoo _ , people have high expectations of you. I’m always going to have to work twice as hard as your privileged ass and everyone like you, but here you are, not even being good competition. I know you put up a facade, but don’t you think we all do?”

I know everything she’s saying is true but it doesn’t stop me feeling this crushing weight on me. I’m allowed to feel what I feel. Fuck her. “You done?” I ask knowing my anger is blossoming through, spurting up.

“Yeah,” Thea tilts her chin up, “pull yourself together.” 

“Right,” I say sucking my teeth, “okay.”

I turn swiftly on my heel, my trainer making a squeaking noise on the corridor floor, and I storm away.

Thea doesn’t leave it to rest and chases after me. She sounds almost desperate when she says, “I’m just trying to help you get a grip.”

I stop so abruptly that Thea slams into my back. We each move to face each other, closer than needed. “Thea, just, I’m not in the mood, okay?”

“Well, what are you in the mood for, Oliver Spring?”

I don’t know what comes over me, but I find myself wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to me. My mouth meets hers with an earnest insistence that lights my every nerve ending on fire. I didn’t even know I wanted this but now I feel as though I’ve been waiting for it my whole life.

I expect Thea to push me away, maybe punch me, but she melts into me. Her arms snake around my neck, one hand gripping the collar of my school shirt. 

Thea pushes me back against the wall. A poster falls down. Neither of us care.

She’s winter personified but tastes like the hottest of summers.

And I’m burning. 


	3. Chapter 3

**three**

 

“SEE IT’S LIKE , both my siblings found their person when they were teenagers. It’s Michael and Tori, Nick and Charlie, they’re both such units. I don’t even know what goes on with Michael and Tori, if they’re even romantically involved, but they’re still soulmates. And, God, my parents, they have the most beautiful love story.

“I feel like a blip, a fluke, I’m nothing like the lot of them, in personality, but also in love. And I want to find my person y’know, but here I am out kissing bloody, well um, doesn’t matter. I can never settle.”

I’m drunk and rambling. I’ve managed to find myself at a party, despite not having plans to do so. I think I got told to I need to cut loose and now here I am, slumped against a wall in a corner slurring away to Naveen Verma. Beautiful, mindfucking, Naveen Verma.

“What?” Naveen suddenly asks, wide-eyed.

This isn’t very funny but for some reason, I find it hilarious. I mimic him, widening my eyes and say, “What?”

“You just said I was beautiful.”

I continue to laugh even though I’m embarrassed. “Whoops, didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“So it’s just the vodka talking?” Naveen asks, and goddammit! Why is he so cute?

“Oh no,” I say finding myself taking his face in my hands, “You’re always beautiful. NAVEEN VERMA IS BEAUTIFUL!” I shout at the dancing people not listening to me, and try to drink more only to find my cup is empty.

“You’re only seventeen, Oliver. Hardly anyone finds their soulmate, or whatever you want to call it, when they’re that young. Your family are the flukes, not you. They’re lucky, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’re just normal.”

Ah yes normal, that’s me. So, very,  _ normal _ .

I’m confused that we are back to this, but I figure Naveen is embarrassed by his beauty so I let him try to comfort me. His words are failing to sink in, though.

“I’m the odd one out,” I mutter, sinking further down the wall.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing,” Naveen turns me with a small, simple smile and it’s so nice. I want to kiss each corner but I don’t. Because I’m scared and confused and Thea. I don’t understand what’s happening there, and I don’t understand what’s happening here. I’m confused, confused, confused. I don’t know anything.

This time when I sink further, I slump into Naveen so I’m leaning on him.”You’re an angel,” I tell him and he shifts so his arm is around me.

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not perfect you know,” Naveen says, and the words catch, ringing around my head, “I feel like you think I’m perfect.”

Maybe I do put Naveen on a bit of a pedestal. I don’t know him well enough, only the good, shiny parts, and the good shiny looks.

“Do you think I’m perfect?” I ask.

“I think you set too high a standard for yourself. Like an impossible level. You’re allowed to just be you, Oliver.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“I’m not sure I know who I am either. Everyone thinks I’m so nice, like that’s always how I’m described, but I don’t think I really qualify for that. At least not anymore.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I cheated on Thea.”

I sit upright. “ _ What? _  Really?”

Naveen looks down, chewing his lip. “I got, um, curious. About boys.”

I swallow. “Boys?”

“Boys.”

“Who?”

“I pulled Jack Greene.”

“No!”

“I’m afraid so.”

“But he’s, he’s—”

“An obnoxious bully?” Naveen shakes his head as if he can undo his mistake. “I’m an idiot. A fucking knobhead. It was at the park, behind some bushes.”

“In the bushes?” I can’t help but smile.

Naveen doesn’t say anything.

“You pulled Jack in the bushes!” I burst out into giggles, rolling onto Naveen, and when we make eye contact he starts laughing too. We laugh endlessly, or at least that’s how it feels, and when it does start to die down I whisper, “ _ In the bushes _ ,” and we both crack up again.

“Well, I definitely don’t think you’re perfect anymore,” I say when we finally get a hold of ourselves.

“But you don’t hate me?”

“Everyone makes mistakes,” I say and then find myself continuing with, “ _ Everyone has those days. Everybody knows what, what' I'm talkin' 'bout. Everybody gets that way. _ ”

“Is that Hannah Montana?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know, Naveen.”

Naveen pauses and then recites perfectly, “ _ Sometimes I'm in a jam. I've gotta make a plan. It might be crazy. I do it anyway.” _

I cheer, jostling him as if he just won the most prestigious award known to man.

Somehow we go from singing ‘Nobody's Perfect’ by Miley Cyrus between ourselves to belting it out in karaoke. Thea turns up out of nowhere and boos us, throwing some of the crisps she’s eating at us until one gets stuck in my hair. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, or that she’s growing on me, but I just find it funny.

Naveen and I sing, or more accurately scream, ‘Nobody’s Perfect’ twice before I relent. Naveen takes the stage (the coffee table in the living room) lonesome and decides to go from Hannah Montana to ABBA.

I sit down beside Thea on the sofa directly opposite Naveen. I catch her eyes and we hold our gazes for a long while, not saying anything.

We only look away when my phone vibrates with a message making me jump.

I see it’s from Jamie saying, **_you’re still good for next Saturday right?_ ** and decide to leave it until later. I’m in a group chat now with all the cast, this was after being accidentally joined to the wrong chat filled with people going on about this organceaser webcomic. I’m not sure I want to know what that was all about.

I’ve read the first few scripts and the summary of where the rest of the series is going to go. It’s all so good but also not my top priority, despite my wanting to give everything in my life an equal spot at the top.

In any case, we’re already filming the first episode next Saturday and I’m quite hyped for it, to be honest.

I shove my phone in my pocket as Naveen starts to speak. “This is dedicated to Lily James, because I’ve been in love with her ever since I saw Mamma Mia 2.”

And with that, the opening to ‘Andante, Andante’, starts to play.

I know we just had a talk about perfection, and sang about it a few times, but Naveen really does look and sound angelic above me, even with the crappy mic. He glows. His bronze skin turns golden in the light.

Since I’m sitting right beside Thea it’s hard to tell if he’s looking at me or her. I think he’s flicking between us as he sways smoothly, like liquid velvet. His voice is dreamy and his black eyes are soft. It’s making my chest cave into itself.

I feel quiet, and like one spark is all I need to be gone. The moment feels like rain pattering against your window as you’re curled up in bed.

Thea shifts and her bare arm brushes mine, and the touch goes down to my toes. I almost feel every hair rise to attention.

Gooseflesh, mellow sweetness, soft hues, pacing hearts, as Naveen’s voice serenades us and then it’s over. It’s over and Thea is crying and squirming her way out of the room.

I look at Thea’s retreating figure and then Naveen standing very still. I turn and follow Thea out the room.

She winds around the house, the people dwindling as she delves deeper around corners. In the end, she sits herself down on a staircase like a forlorn maiden in a period drama.

I didn’t realise she knew I was following her but she doesn’t flinch as I trip up with my step and make a loud banging noise with my boots. She just looks straight ahead, straight past me, and says, “What do you want, Oliver?”

“To see if you’re okay.”

Thea snorts, turning her head completely away from me so I can’t see her face.

I tentatively step towards her. “Who knew you experienced genuine emotion.”

“Fuck you.”

I sit gently down beside her, and she shifts slightly away from me. “You wish,” I say, but in a soft tone that doesn’t fit the joke.

Thea doesn’t respond. She just cries, quite delicately in a way that seems fake but I know isn’t. Then she pulls herself together, wiping her face, and that’s that. She looks at me as if she expects me to go.

I don’t. I reach out and put a hand on her knee, squeezing lightly.

“I just… I miss him,” she whispers.

I don’t know what to say. I’m usually the king of dealing with crises, but all I can think to do at the moment is open my arms to Thea. I expect her to blanch at my offer but she doesn’t. She rests herself against me and I wrap my arms around her.

It feels strangely right to have her in my arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: the start of this chapter has cameos I put in for the snarty osemanverse discord! It doesn’t particularly make sense with the story but just roll with it please :) also warning for some romantical things happening but no full out smut i promise, i literally couldn't do that lol - Skye x

 

**four**

 

I’M NOT QUITE  sure how I end up from comforting Thea to sitting across her in a circle ready to play spin the bottle but it happens.

It might make me sound like a massive loser, but I’ve never actually played spin the bottle. It’s never been a thing that people actually do. Maybe I’ve been going to the wrong parties, or the right ones.

In any case I’m sat crossed legged, blearily looking around the circle of people I know and vaguely know.

There’s Elliot who is far too excited for this since he’s probably the youngest here and yet wants to neck it on with everyone. But to be honest, Mario, Josh, Ellen, Victoria, and basically the people who are in that weird group chat that might be a cult, aren’t much better. Horndogs the lot of them.

Jamie, who I didn’t even know was at the party and must’ve arrived late, is sitting out of the circle perched on a table because they don’t want to cheat on their girlfriend. Other players do not seem to have this issue though. 

Kate, Em, and Anya are huddled up together as if they’re scouting out potential options.

Ellen keeps looking at Naveen who is sat beside Thea and I don’t know why but I feel ready to fight her because of it.

Before I know it the game begins, and I’m watching an empty beer bottle spin round and round. It almost makes me dizzy. Someone called Char goes first and it’s anticlimactic when the bottle lands on them, they end up rather sensually making out with their own hand before spinning again and getting what seems to be the person of their dreams.

Char soon leaves the game though because they get into a fight with Anya and Jamie over some bitch called Skye.

I think I might be hallucinating, despite not taking any drugs and only being drunk, when I swear I see Lister Bird and Zac Efron meet in the middle of the circle for a smooch. Then, as if this isn’t weird enough, Ellen enthusiastically gets on with Lily James. This is followed by dramatics as Elliot shouts “You slut!” at Ellen.

“Babe, I thought we were open?” Ellen asks chasing after him.

“I meant for keeping Lily to yourself!”

Then Lorde, of all people, gets a hell of a lot of action when the bottle lands on her around 6 times, going especially passionate for Kate. Em also makes her way around the group, kissing basically everyone. Apart from me, that is. The bottle appears to be repelled by me. Not that I care much, but then again, maybe some meaningless kissing is what I need.

Two Vics kiss and I’m thinking parents need to chill with the name Victoria when the bottle finally lands on me. I almost laugh when I realise it’s Jack Greene who has spun it. I wiggle my eyebrows at Naveen and he covers his face with a hand, hiding a snigger.

Jack makes a whole scene about spinning again, which nobody allows. They refer to him as different synonyms of wimp until I take action and crawl over to him.

“It’s not like I’m particularly happy about this either,” I say, before grabbing Jack and pulling him in. 

I only mean for it to be short and sweet but the second our lips touch Jack gets more enthusiastic about the whole thing. He holds me to him and I don’t know how to squirm free. He tastes disgusting. I feel all sick and confused as images of Thea and Naveen swirl in my head, meshing together in a hypnotising swirl.

It’s a mess to put it lightly.

As I’m released I realise that that was my first kiss with a boy and I kinda want to cry.

I stumble away and mindlessly grab the bottle for my spin. It twirls on the floor in front of me. As the bottles starts slowing, making one last circle I realise that it is going to land on Naveen. However, just as the nose points in Naveen’s direction, the bottle wobbles one last time and finally stops directly between Naveen and Thea.

_ You’ve got to be shitting me _ , I think and I’m not sure if I say it aloud or not.

“What does he do now?” Em asks.

Ellen has a sly smirk growing when she says, “He gets to choose.”

I look around at everyone, see their eyes boring into me and it feels like each and every gaze is sticking to me making me heavy and rigid. They’re all expecting me to choose Thea, they think it’s a given. I know it. Even if I’m in a circle with some of the most progressive people I know.

I look at the two of them: Thea looking at me with raised eyebrows, and Naveen with perhaps a soft hope unless I’m reading him wrong. _ I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. _ I want both. 

I properly realise then that I really fancy both of them and somehow have landed in some weird love triangle. A proper love triangle because everyone fucking likes one another. And I can’t handle liking a boy, and it’s for a stupid reason I can’t even think to myself, but I just can’t. 

The easiest option here is to just kiss Thea, get it over and done with. 

This is not what I do.

Instead, I run. I panic, my eyes switching between the two options until my brain goes haywire, and I get to my feet suddenly. I bolt for the door.

Air. I need air.

I don’t get it because suddenly someone is blocking my way, suffocating me as I’m trapped in. Jack fucking Greene has me caged against the wall and is talking shit about going off somewhere. To be honest I think about it, meaningless _ something _ , to get away from it all, to just give into my like for boys. But I can’t. Not with Jack Greene. I’m drunk, but not that drunk.

I shove Jack away, stumbling away as he shouts some not very nice words at my back. I just need out. 

I don’t know how but I end up on a balcony and I might be blacking out because how did I get here? How did I get anywhere tonight?

There’s two people on the balcony and it takes me a moment to readjust my eyes and focus in to realise it’s Thea and Naveen. I can’t get away. I can’t.

Thea is saying, “I really need you right now,” and then they’re kissing. My brain can’t compute it. I don’t understand.

They look dazzling in the night, like jigsaw pieces that fit together to create a satisfying, perfect picture. The moonlight looks good on them.

They kiss like the world’s ending.

I turn away because it’s them, it’ll always be them. How could I believe I’m significant enough to have a chance of cutting in there?

I speedily walk and walk and walk until I finally make it outside. I take in a big gulp of air and find myself getting a wisp of cigarette smoke. I don’t actually mind the smell of it but it does make me cough.

“Sorry,” a gruff voice says without sounding very sorry. I turn to see a guy that can only be described as casual; he’s leaned against the wall with the end of his cigarette glowing cherry red in the dark. He should be in a sketchy alleyway instead of outside a house party. Although, I guess there's not much difference.

He’s an older guy, maybe 19 or 20, with pale skin, dark blue hair, and impressive eyebrows. His whole look is kinda emo for someone who probably should’ve grown out of that.

“Alright,” I mumble, not managing the  _ it’s  _ beforehand.

He squints at me, trying to get a better look in the dull light. “Are you a Spring?”

I nod. “Yeah, the youngest, Oliver.”

“Ah, my sister’s friends with your brother and his boyfriend.”

“Who are you?”

“Heathcliff Olsson.”

I mean to stifle the laugh but I’m too drunk to put the filter on it. “Sorry,” I say when I’m done.

“You’re fine, I’m used to it. I got the wrong end of the stick with my mum’s classic literature obsession. My sister’s called Darcy.”

“That is.... Better.” I say, and there’s a pause as we size each other up before I continue with, “So are you pretentious because of your name or the other way around? Chicken and the egg, and all that.”

“Pretentious? You don’t even know me.”

“Well, no offense, but you look like you write poetry for tumblr.”

Heathcliff lets out a deep laugh and I find it sexy. “Fuck you,” he says.

I think,  _ meaningless sex with someone who isn’t Jack Greene. _ I think,  _ get it over and done with. _ I think,  _ I’ll never see him again if it blows up in my face. _ I think,  _ he’s hot. _ I think of Thea and Naveen entangled on the balcony and find myself saying, “I’m up for it if you are.”

Heathcliff really does laugh then, a belly laugh that he bends over for. He calms down and surveys me for a long moment, taking me in from top to bottom. He blows one last drag of his cigarette before dropping it and stamping it out, Sandy from  _ Grease _ style. “I’m down.”

And that’s how I end up in a bedroom kissing someone who definitely has more experience with boys than I do. Heathcliff knows what he’s doing and I’m glad because he’s making me burn enough to have an empty mind.

He pushes me backwards, aiming for the bed, but I bump into the desk instead and we pause there for a bit. Heathcliff wraps his arms around my back and soon his hands are in the back pockets of my jeans.

I may be ill equipped for this but I do have a great arse, or at least Heathcliff is showing enthusiasm for it. 

This is what I needed. And it doesn’t mean anything. This is what I needed.

An image of Thea and Naveen makes its way into my head and I aggressively kiss Heathcliff to try and steam it out.

The edge of the desk is digging into the back of my thighs but I ignore that because I’m exploring Heathcliff’s chest, a man’s chest, all rock solid with none of the softness that would ruin the fickleness of this. I find skin and soon both our tops are off and it seems like the trousers are coming off next.

Just keep kissing. 

Just.

Keep.

Distracting

Myself.

_ Thea. Naveen. Thea and Naveen. _

Fuck. What am I doing?

Heathcliff is pulling down my zipper and I panic, because I’m not ready. Of course I'm not ready to have sex with a stranger. “I can’t…” I start and my voice cracks, “do this.”

Heathcliff immediately steps away from me and I feel the absence of his body like a blast of cold air. “Fair enough,” he says and he’s already pulling up his own trousers that are halfway down his legs.

I pull my zipper up and grab my tee as Heathcliff throws it to me. He sits down on the bed as he pulls on his own. “You want to talk about it?” He asks.

“Not really,” I say but I sit down on the bed beside him.

We sit in incredibly awkward silence until I finally spit out, when Heathcliff goes to leave, “Your sister’s gay right?”

He slowly sits back down, looking confused at my question. “Um, yes?”

“Do you ever feel like you shouldn’t be, too? Well, I mean gay as an umbrella term. I obviously don’t know your orientation or whatever. But like do you not think, I don’t know, your parents deserve a straight kid?”

“Not at all,” Heathcliff says without hesitation and I admire him for it. I‘m envious of him for it. “I’m me. They have to deal with that. When they gave birth to me they signed up for whatever fuck up they created.”

I don’t say anything and I can tell Heathcliff wants to talk about why I asked, but he doesn’t question me. “Why is everyone fucking gay?” I say, putting my head in my hands and laughing.

Heathcliff claps me on the back, “I don’t know, man. Overpopulation? We have to stop procreating now and this is biology’s solution.”

“That’s an interesting theory.”

“It happens with rats.”

“What?”

“Yeah, there was there was this study, and apparently the results showed that if population of rats gets over a certain amount, the more gay rats there are.”

“Wow.”

“It might be a mix between that and people actually accessing terms and understanding themselves. Don’t tell the straights but I actually think that most of them are probably bi but haven’t thought about it. Like ‘girl crushes’ and all that stuff. Obviously there’s some out there but I think it’s 10 percent at each side and the rest are bi, even if only a little.”

“I don’t really know what to say about that.”

“Well, if you think about it that way, you don’t have to feel like you should be your parent’s straight kid because they didn’t have much of a chance. They’re probably bi themselves.”

“EVERYONE’S BI,” I shout.

Heathcliff laughs his lovely laugh and joins in, “THE GAYS ARE COMING FOR YOU.”

We part ways shortly after that. Despite Heathcliff being nice about the whole thing I still feel extremely embarrassed and disgusted with myself. It doesn’t help that I throw up in the bathroom before I leave the party for good. 

I walk determinedly down the street, taking the wrong turn so instead of heading for my own house I go to another. 

When I reach my destination I hammer on the door for a long time until someone answers.

I’m sitting on the doorstep by the time this happens, so when Nick Nelson steps out, in his pyjamas and the hallway light giving him a halo, he looks like a giant. 

“Oliver?” He looks down at me and I can’t discern his expression, “If you’re here to watch Moulin Rouge again, Charlie is already asleep and I’m not sure—”

And that’s when I burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't love heathcliff's emo ass you aren't valid i'm afraid  
> also i wonder who this mysterious nick character may be hmm, he rings a bell but i can't put my finger on it...


	5. Chapter 5

 

**five**

 

NICK, A BIT  out of sorts by being both tired and affronted by a drunk mess of a 17-year-old on his doorstep, leads me through his home with the promise of tea. 

He’s purposefully quiet as we pass the living-room and I look in to see Tori and Michael curled up on the sofa together like kittens. So they’ve been hanging out? It makes me cry harder as we make it to the end door and swing into the kitchen.

I know we have a massive age gap. I know it’s unreasonable. I know, I know, but I still feel left out. It’s Tori and Charlie against the world with their perfect partners. Then there’s me, basically an only child by default. One who likes two people at the same time and nearly sleeps with a stranger because of it. God, I’m a mess.

When Nick turns the kettle on and sits me down, rubbing circles into my back and asking what’s happened, my response is, “I’m a little slut.”

Nick doesn’t know what to say to that. I know he’s good at looking after Charlie but he’s used to me being bubbly and lovable, maybe a bit quirky. I don’t think he’s ever seen me upset.

Nick finishes making the tea and carefully sits across from me at the breakfast bar. He waits for me to calm down enough to actually speak then asks, “Okay, what’s happened?”

So I spill. I spill the beans, I spill the tea, and I’m crying over spilt milk. I spill my drink down my top as I’m talking and it makes me cry because I can’t do anything right.

I tell Nick everything from tonight, which I probably shouldn’t do to an adult, but he seems understanding and he listens. 

Eventually, I’m emptied out and Nick starts talking, “Oliver, you’ve only been a little misguided. That’s all. So you like two people and you’re confused? That’s allowed, it doesn’t make you a bad person. And you stopped things with Heathcliff and you were able to realise and have a voice to say how you were feeling and that’s really important. That’s brave. I know it’s confusing at your age, trust me I know. You may think Charlie and I are perfect but we aren’t.”

“There’s that word again,” I mutter.

“What?”

I shake my head. “Nothing.”

Nick pauses before saying what he does next, like he isn’t sure whether he’s the right person to ask. “I think you’re going through your own gay crisis, and, as a known bisexual, I want to help if I can. What’s your issue with liking boys, you obviously know you do and have accepted it but why won’t you let that part of yourself… out?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I bet you it’s not.”

“No it is, and I know it is, but it’s still how I feel.”

“Nothing you can do will ever be as stupid as your tractor obsession.”

“Fuck you,” I say before I can stop myself, but Nick doesn’t seem phased, luckily.

“What is it?”

I sigh, screwing my eyes shut as I say it because it is really stupid. “Being gay is Charlie’s thing.”

Nick blinks at me for a moment. “Okay, that is stupid.”

“See! It’s just, well it’s like I know logically that, of course, being a boy who likes boys isn’t something that belongs to one person but I try so hard to distinguish myself from Charlie. Like people always used to make jokes about me being a ‘big homo like my brother’ and stuff like that. And I guess I didn’t want it to be true. Ugh. I don’t know. I know I’m a lot younger but people always compare me to him and I guess I just want to be different.”

It’s strange talking to Nick like this. Normally we’re dancing to High School Musical with Michael or pranking the others or eating cake mixture behind Charlie’s back when we hang out. We’re not both subdued like this. I guess we aren’t serious. 

But I’m upset and Nick’s tired and I know he knows I’m pissed and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know if he should be stern about me being so. He still sees me as a baby, they all do.

This is uncharted territory for the both of us.

And then on top of it I just admitted someone I’ve never said out loud before.

Then Nick does something so simple, but so needed: he opens his arms. I hug him, and it’s perfect, because Nick is soft and I can just squeeze my eyes tight and try to ignore the world.

“Trust me, Oliver: you’re completely your own person, and liking boys doesn’t make you anything like Charlie. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how you’re brothers.” Nick gives me one last squeeze before letting go. “And if it helps, you like girls as well and Charlie really doesn’t. He’s your classic homo.”

That gets a little laugh out of me and Nick shoves my shoulder lightly.

“Trust me, I know the bisexual struggles, and you can come to me whenever you want,” Nick says. I look up at him and it might be weird to say but I think Nick is my own Rubeus Hagrid. Cuddly, lovable, and always there for me. He’s a trustworthy constant. “But for now I think we should both get to sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I should go home.”

“Don’t convince me you’re actually stupid. Of course, you’re staying.”

“But where…”

Nick gets up and starts walking away. “I’ll get a duvet and pillow for you, and steal some of Charlie’s pyjamas.”

When Nick reaches the door I say, “Nick?”

He turns, “Yes?”

“Thanks.”

He gives me a big, cheesy grin before disappearing around the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love my boys ;_;


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

**six**

 

I’M SICK.

I  wake up the next morning with a hangover. I throw up on the duvet Nick kindly got for me. I embarrass myself in front of my siblings and their partners. This is why they don’t want to hang out with me. I’m their annoying little brother who shows up out of the blue with movies to watch, or drunk and crying. I’m just a hot mess, to be honest.

**-**

I’m sick.

This time it’s not a hangover but me waking up in the middle of the night sweating and heaving. I run to my mummy and daddy. I still need them. I don’t know how I’m ever going to survive without them. I’m my true, unadulterated self around them. 

**-**

I’m sick.

I’m up late because I’ve slept all day. It’s past midnight when Thea calls me. She immediately goes off at me for “ditching” school but it doesn’t take long to realise the root of her anger isn’t at me. It’s probably because it’s late, and we’ve found ourselves in vulnerable positions with each other lately, but she opens up.

She rants about her “lowlife scum of a father” who has yet again shown up out of the blue, took advantage of her mother’s feelings for him, and fucked off again with all their money. He does this every few months or so apparently and her mum doesn’t learn. So even though her mum has a decent, if not great, job they constantly have no money. All she’s had to eat today are noodles. 

She wants to make a life for herself, where she can support her mother. She refuses to be weak-willed like her. 

I tell her that her “level 4 friendship tragic backstory explains a lot about you,” and predictably she tells me to “fuck off.”

She finds herself admitting I’m good to talk to, I know what to say apparently, and she can say anything to me. She doesn’t care about being polite.

“I can tell,” I say. “But seriously Thea. You are brilliant. You’re fucking amazing. I have no idea how you do it.” 

“You’re not too bad yourself, Spring,” she says, before adding, “I guess.”

By the time I get off the phone with her, it’s 5am. I don’t know how that happened but I go to sleep with a smile on my face. I dream about us performing together on the West End.

**-**   
  


I’m sick.

I don’t know how I’m not over it yet. It’s nearly been a week. I’m hardly ever sick but here I am the illest I’ve been in years. My head is slick with sweat when normally I never break a sweat. I’m missing school when normally I never miss school. I’ve got too much stuff to be doing to be sick, I’m missing so much. I can’t miss this much. I’m falling behind.

_ I’m. _

_ Falling. _

**-**   
  


I’m sick.

I haven’t eaten all day because I have no appetite. I tried some toast this morning but I just threw it up again. I lie in my bed with the lights off and the covers over my head. My mum comes in and I just lie there not saying anything as she talks. I feel bad because I’m close to Mum. She’s so similar to Tori and I get on with her in the same way. But here I am worrying her.

She’s yammering on about me having something to eat, but I have a headache and I’m grumpy.

That’s why I say, “I’M NOT CHARLIE! I’m just sick, physically sick, I’m not a basket case like the rest of you!”

You can only describe what flashes across Mum’s face as hurt. She leaves the dinner she was holding on my desk and walks out of the room without saying anything. She bangs into my dad on the way out.

Dad comes in. “What did you say to her?”

“Just punish me.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to talk about it so just punish me.”

Dad talks and I drown it out until I turn around in my bed and realise he has left as well.

**-**

I’m sick.

It’s Friday and I go to school even though I could probably do with this last day off. I’ve missed a lot, like I knew I had. School moves quickly, both in academia and extracurriculars. I missed going over a whole new scene for drama. Friends have fallen out, and friends who were fighting have made up. Elliot is dating someone new, and I don’t know where he stands with Ellen. 

Life, in general, is speeding up and I don’t know how to cling on.

It’s getting too much for me.

**-**   
  


I’m feeling better.

I’m feeling much better and it’s made even better because Naveen Verma just rang my doorbell looking for me. My dad calls me down and he standing in the hallway by the door and I look at him and it’s like the first time I’ve ever seen him. My heart drops. I am amazed. I’m overcome with the urge to tell my parents about him, to tell everyone how brilliant this boy is. 

I would tell them that Naveen is sweet and kind even if he makes mistakes. I would tell them that he isn’t perfect but that’s what makes him so much better. I would them that he doesn’t let people walk all over him even if he’s quiet, because he’s sturdy, and solid. He’s serious when he wants to be but can lighten up with a few pokes and shoves. I would tell them everything.

Looking at him I can’t believe I can’t just be like: this is him. He’s the one. 

It’s all I want for him to be the great love of my life.

But there’s Thea. There’s Thea who has sent me notes on everything I’ve missed warning me not to fall behind. There’s Thea who unexpectedly sent me memes and said she hoped I got better soon. There’s Thea who gave me the energy to apologise to my parents on Thursday and have a chat with both my mum and Charlie. There’s Thea whose tough love is surprisingly the exact way to get me to sort my shit out.

There’s Thea and there’s Naveen and there’s me and three’s too many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you think i made it clear that oliver was sick?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like naveen you're gonna love this chapter! are you ready for some gAY?

 

**seven**

 

“WHAT ARE YOU doing here?” I ask Naveen, smiling as I walk down the stairs. I feel oddly nervous. I bet I look like trash; I have wet hair from just having a shower and I’m in my pyjamas as I didn’t plan to do anything today.

Oh god.

My pyjamas are a blue matching set with tractors all over them.

My face is burning, and I feel my usual high ego drop down. I want to run back to my room and melt as Naveen speaks, “I came to see how you were feeling,” he says, he’s tapping one finger repeatedly against his thigh. “Sorry that I couldn’t during the week, and I didn’t manage to catch you yesterday at school.”

“Don’t be silly,” I say shaking my head. How did we get here? To him thinking I’d expect a visit from him?

“Naveen brought flowers, isn’t that nice?” Dad says and I notice that he’s holding sunflowers for the first time.  _ He brought me flowers?  _ “I’m just going to put them in a vase for you.”

Then just like that, we’re left alone. I’m both grateful for Dad’s exit and wishing him back. I turn to Naveen, blinking hard, and I don’t know what to say.

Naveen and I both reach up to scratch the back of our necks at the same time and then laugh at the unison together. 

“So, um—” I start at the same time Naveen says, “I—”

“You go,” Naveen says which isn’t much of an offering because I didn’t have anything to say planned.

Because I’m an idiot this is what I come up with: “I suppose you want to get back to your Saturday plans.”

Naveen looks kinda downhearted and I want to shoot myself. “Oh, uh, yeah. I should leave.”

“You don’t—”

“I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I close the door behind Naveen, screaming at myself in my head.

It takes me approximately 2 seconds to fly up the stairs and to my bedroom. I trip over a shoe scrambling to my window. I look out to see Naveen walking away with hunched shoulders.

I fling the window open and shout, “Do you want to hang out?” 

Naveen stops and turns. His grin lights up the foggy afternoon.

  
**-**   
  
  


“So, nice pyjamas.”

I dramatically bang my head down on our table at the café we found ourselves in. I nearly knock the fake flowers right off. “Oh God.”

“Really, they were cute,” Naveen assures me, “I loved the tractors.”

The café is next to a river and is originally named Café Rivière because of it. It’s quite cute really, with its gingham tablecloth and its old regulars. We’re sharing a pot of tea and I’m having a panini while Naveen happily scoffs down a big slice of Victoria sponge.

“Do you remember Tractor Tom?” I ask after I’m finished dying of embarrassment. 

“Oh my god, yes, and your living room tractor! I remember sleeping in it at a sleepover once. I can’t believe you got your brother and his boyfriend to make that for you.”

“They are at my disposal. Who can say no to this face?”

“I certainly couldn’t,” Naveen blushes. I cough. Naveen changes course quickly, “You were a fake tractor fan anyway, you couldn’t even name the brands.”

“Um, there’s John Deere?”

“And?”

“... the red ones?”

“I’m disappointed in you, Oliver.”

“You live on a farm! You have the advantage here. You’ve actually ridden one.”

“I’ll let you ride my tractor one day,” Naveen says and I almost choke on my tea. I manage to swallow it down though before I burst out laughing. Naveen gets frustrated and practically shouts at me, “Stop making what I say into an innuendo!”

An old woman turns and looks at us. I shoot her some finger guns.

It’s Naveen’s turn for his head to sink to the table.

“You did agree to come out with me,” I remind him.

He shakes his head at me, smiling as he eats some more of his cake. I bite of a large chunk of my panini and I’m not prepared for what Naveen says next. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?” I nod, mouth still full.

“Why do you think we didn’t stay friends?”

I put down my panini and try to hurry up my chewing. “I guess we grew apart. We didn’t have the same friendship groups.”

“You mean because you were popular?”

I baulk. “What, no! I’m not popular.”

“Come on, of course, you are. It’s not a big deal,” Naveen shrugs, “I’m over it. But at the time it felt like I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“No!” I blurt rather loudly and this time the owner gives me a dirty look. I lower my voice, trying to show how earnest I am when I say, “I never thought that. Really, truly. Fuck.” 

I think back to that time, when we both started secondary school and slowly drifted apart. I wouldn’t have called us best friends, but we were definitely close, so his absence was extremely noticeable to me. It was a gaping hole where something special belonged. 

Naveen started avoiding me when I asked him to sit with me at lunch. He would say stuff like,  _ no thanks, I’m sure you have better options _ . It never even clicked until now that he would have felt that way. I thought he was just being a dick, the same as everyone at that age.

“I missed you,” I tell him.

Naveen goes soft. “I missed you too.”

**_**

 

After we finish up at the café Naveen and I find ourselves in the audience of a very shitty play. We were walking down the street when some guy shoved a flyer in my hand very passionately and we figured, why not?

The play is so bad it’s funny. In that way cringey 12-year-old fanfiction is. Yes, I wrote Les Misérables and Doctor Who fanfiction and it’s extremely terrible, don’t judge me.

The play is called Hell and follows these three pirates who keep missing each other in love. That’s the only plotline I can follow, the rest is a mess of random magic and a guy yodelling, and someone in a fluffy blue costume. Their character is named “Bibble” and I love how weird it is.

I get to a point of shouting “BIBBLE!” whenever the actor comes on stage, among other things. Naveen looks like he wants to pretend he’s not with me at first but then he joins me in my positive heckling—is there a word for that?

There are only about 10 people watching in the small theatre and by the end, there’s just us and some guy who fell asleep in the back row.

They end the show with a musical number despite it being void of music until now. 

I get on my knee in front of Naveen and ask, “Can I have this dance?”

Naveen dramatically puts a hand to his chest while putting the other in mine, “I thought you’d never ask.”

I twirl him and we dance in the aisle until the lead actor invites us up on stage. We dance with the cast, we _ twerk  _ with the cast, and the whole experience is surreal. It may be the most fun I’ve ever had.

The show officially finishes and Naveen and I clap, cheer, and whoop as loud as we can right in front of the cast. The director gives us his card. We get a selfie with Bibble. The man in the back remains asleep.

Giddy and giggling, Naveen and I stumble out of the theatre. We’re holding hands and keep bumping into each other because we’re so close. 

We stop on the steps. It’s dark now, and I can only see Naveen because of the light shining out of the theatre’s door. A breeze sends a shiver down my spine. I trail my hand across his cheek, following where the light beam hits him.

Our eyes meet and that’s all it takes.

We’re drawn to one another, moving passionately but carefully until our lips meet.

We kiss and it’s soft and quiet just like him.

We kiss and it’s honey sweet.

We kiss and this time instead of burning up quickly, I melt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ............................................................bibble


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've had the gay... now are you ready for your heart to burst? i'll let you decide if that's a good thing or not

 

**eight**

 

I TURNED MY phone off to respect the play. I’m long past kissing Naveen in front of the theatre when I remember this. I’m also past kissing Naveen in the street… in the park. We nearly kiss in the bushes when I suggest it just to make fun of him and Jack Greene. I can’t believe we’ve both kissed him. At least we’ve upgraded now.

No, I remember I turned my phone off when we are walking from the park to my house. I want to check the time so I reach into my back pocket and turn it on.

That’s when the explosion happens.

I get about 30 messages and missed calls that load up at the same time. I don’t know where to look first, I’m just taken aback by them. Naveen thinks I’m popular, but I’m certainly not this popular.

I click on Jamie’s group chat first and read the messages from them first, feeling dread boil deep in my stomach.

**_Hey, I was wondering when you were going to get here? We’re starting filming soon :)_ **

**_I know you were sick all week but you said yesterday you could make it?_ **

**_Oliver?_ **

**_Could you at least tell me if you aren’t coming?_ **

I have a lot more messages about it and just think fuck, fuck, fuck, as I scroll through them. Jamie is polite and nice about it which makes me feel worse than the messages from the others in the webseries that aren’t so nice. They feel like they’re shouting at me through the phone.

I stop dead in the street, staring down at my phone. Naveen puts a hand on my arm and asks, “Are you okay.”

 _I’m a horrible person._ But I can’t even say anything, I just shake my head.

I go click on the next messages and I nearly just chuck my phone away to avoid the onslaught when I see they’re from Thea.

**_Bitch where are you?_ **

**_Missed call._ **

**_Missed call._ **

**_Missed call._ **

**_Missed call._ **

**_Hello Oliver?_ **

**_It’s the audition today, for Dear Evan Hansen. Are you coming or what?_ **

**_Ffs Oliver_ **

**_I just saw your snapchat story are you with Naveen?_ **

**_OLIVER WTF_ **

**_I won’t hesitate bitch_ **

**_Ok seriously what the hell is going on? Are you actually ditching this audition to go on a date?? With Naveen??_ **

**_Since when was that an actual serious thing? I know I’m not miss perfect, I can’t really get on any high horse but I just kissed you recently and yes we haven’t discussed it properly but I think you could’ve at least told me. Especially since I told how I’m feeling about Naveen right now._ **

**_It’s a mess i get that but fuck_ **

**_Idk this just really hurt me_ **

**_Fuck this is WHY I DON’T DO FEELINGS_ **

The messages end there. I just stare at my phone for a while, blinking as Naveen speaks in my ear. I can’t hear him though. How did I fuck up this bad? I fucked over Jamie, I missed the goddamn audition and I hurt Thea.

I try and phone Thea once I get over my shock. I phone 4 times but she doesn’t pick up. I squeeze my phone so tight it hurts, “FUCK!” I shout, opening my arms wide and tilting my head back, “just, for FUCK’S SAKE!”

“Oliver!” Naveen asks, really worried now, “What is it?”

I don’t know what to tell him. I just say, “It’s Thea.”

 **-**  


Naveen tries to call Thea as well but to no prevail. We’re both solemn when we finally give up. I walk Naveen to his house, and when I get to mine I open the door to find not only Mum and Dad but Tori and Charlie in the living room.

“Oliver, where have you been?” Dad says.

“I was going to take you to the audition,” Mum says.

Tori and Charlie just look at me and I can’t handle their stare.

I run past them all and up the stairs. I slam the door to my bedroom closed behind me before going to my true solace: my bed. I curl under the duvet as I hurl my phone across the phone, where it knocks over Naveen’s flowers, put in a vase on my desk.

Charlie comes in just as this happens. “Woah, woah, woah, Oliver.” He strides straight to me and holds me as if I’m still a baby. His arms remain strong around me until I calm down.

“It’s okay,” he says in my ear. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

**-**

 

It takes a while but Charlie convinces me to come downstairs, where Dad, Mum, and Tori are sitting like I’m about to go through an intervention. They sit me down on the sofa and it reminds me of the family meetings we used to have when we were all still living in the same house. They were never about me back then, and some of the more serious ones involving Tori and Charlie I didn’t properly understand at the time. That is, if I was invited to them: normally I sat on the stairs and tried to listen in. They kept me out of the loop most of the time because they thought I was too young. Which was right, I suppose.

Now it’s my turn to be the dramatic, problem child.

Dad gets up and presents me, I shit you not, a magnetic board. I look at it confused and see that it’s a whiteboard with a chart of the days of the week painted on it.

I look up at Dad. “What’s this?”

Mum, who is sitting beside me, puts her arm around me. “You’ve been stressing yourself out too much, Ollie. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to do so many things and it’s not good for you. So this is for you to plan everything out. To schedule everything in so you don’t miss auditions like you did today.”

“Although I think it’s a good thing you’re not doing another production on top of everything, son,” Dad says. He crouches in front of me, “You’re the strong one out of the lot of us, we can’t have you going off the rails now. We need at least one confident person in this family to hold us together.”

Charlie nods, agreeing with Dad, “You’re our glue. If you don’t hold it together none of us will.”

“So, what you’re going to do is set a time for all the things you need to get done in the week, so you don’t forget them and you don’t overwhelm yourself,” Mum tells me.

“This also includes giving yourself free time,” Tori adds sternly. Her expression is exactly the same as Mum’s. “You need to let yourself scroll mindlessly through Tumblr, you get me? I don’t care if you have lots of friends and you’re an ‘extrovert’, you have to give yourself time to recharge.”

“We just don’t want you to burn out,” Charlie says. I look around them all, at their faces and how much care and love is in their eyes. I realise it’s the first time in a long while we’ve all been together like this. Just the Springs. No Nick, no Michael, just us.

“I love you guys,” I say tears welling up in my eyes because I’m a drama queen, “so much.”

They all tell me they love me too.

**-**

 

For my first “mindless activity”, Tori gets the old Wii up and running so we can play Mario Kart. Tori, Charlie and I take it in turns racing each other with the two controllers.

I keep winning because I’m the master now. I still remember the day I first won rainbow road, and when I finally started beating my siblings at the game.

“I’m sorry I showed up drunk late at night and scared Nick,” I tell Charlie as we race each other on Bowser’s Castle. Tori sits next to us sipping on some diet lemonade.

“You didn’t scare him,” Charlie laughs. “Honestly, you have to do a lot better to shock anyone involved with this family. Trust me.”

“Yeah, wait until you set a school on fire,” Tori says and ruffles my hair.

“You can’t beat us, Ollie, I’m afraid. We’re insane and there’s no catching up.”

“I guess I’ll just have to settle for beating you on Mario Kart,” I say just as I finish our final lap in first place.

I do a stupid victory dance and then sit on the back of the sofa as Charlie and Tori face off.

I message Jamie apologising for being a shit show and tell them that I triple booked myself and have a lot on my plate right now. They understand and I feel relieved as we work out a time that suits everyone.

We message back and forth and then I put my phone away to watch Tori and Charlie.

I smile at them as they both try to distract and sabotage the other.

Everything’s better when all three of us are here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raise your hand if you fucking love the springs!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter, here we go lads! hope you're ready

 

**nine**

 

I’VE BEEN ADDED to a group chat with Naveen and Thea.

Thea has been ghosting Naveen and me for the last couple of days and now she’s just added us to a chat with the ominous message of: **_we need to talk._ **

That’s how Thea, Naveen, and I end up sat in Café Rivière sharing a pot of tea.

“Okay let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?” Thea says after we get through greeting each other and awkward pauses. “I wanna bang both of you.”

I take a drink of my tea and burn my tongue. Naveen stares Thea down, raising his eyebrows at her.

Thea holds up her hands, “Fine, fine, I genuinely like both of you. That better? Yes, even you Oliver.”

“Wow, I’m touched.”

Thea holds up a knife, “Don’t get cheeky with me.”

“Okay, okay, don’t Lister Bird me.” I sigh, referring to a famous drummer that allegedly got stabbed. “Well since we’re being honest. I fancy the fuck out of both of you and it’s been eating me alive. I don’t want to hurt either of you, but I kissed both of you and we haven’t talked about it. Basically, I’m sorry I’m a hoe.”

“Literally every pairing in this trio have made out with each other recently, don’t think you’re special,” Thea says.

“But you—” I start but Thea stops me with a wave of her elegant hand. She’s got bright yellow acrylic nails that are hard not to be silenced by.

“I know, I was upset initially but I’ve had time to stew and I think this is actually a good thing.”

I pause. “You do?”

“Yes, we all like each other right?” Thea looks to Naveen.

Naveen nods, “Yeah, I wanna bang you both, as Thea so delicately put it.”

Thea clasps both her hands together and rests her chin on them, “Well, gentlemen I have a proposition for you.” She takes out her phone, and I see over her shoulder that she’s loading up Spotify. She searches a song and then puts her phone in the middle of the table as the music starts playing out loud because Thea really doesn’t give a fuck apparently.

I don’t recognise the song as it gets to the singing but I read on her phone that it’s called “In the Middle,” by dodie.

None of the lyrics really sink in until it gets to a part where I start to understand:

_It could be weird, but I think I'm into it_

_You know I'm one for the overly passionate_

_I like you, and I loved him_

_We could all be the best kind of friends._

It plays for a bit longer before Naveen reaches over and pauses the song. “Does this mean what I think it means?”

Thea raises her eyebrows and sips from her tea.

“Do you,” I stop, unsure. “Do you want us to have a threesome?”

“Oh Oliver, I want more than that,” Thea leans forward, “I want us to be a thruple.”

I blink at her.

“She wants us all to date one another,” Naveen explains.

“Yeah, I got that.”

Thea smirks at us. “So…?”

I stop. I think. I look between Thea and Naveen. I smile. This is kinda brilliant. “I’m up for trying it.”

I look at Naveen as he shrugs and says, “Why not?”

“It’s the best of both worlds, right?” I say.

“If you guys start singing Hannah Montana again I’m breaking up with you already.”

“I mean you like dodie, we like Hannah,” Naveen says to Thea, “I think it evens out.”

“IT DOES NOT.” Thea turns to me and I’m nodding along with Naveen. “I can’t believe my boyfriends are already ganging up on me, it’s been 30 seconds.”

The conversation continues in the same vein for a while and then turns into logistics of the relationship but it all seems to work out quite well, everyone agrees with each other. Nobody is the odd one out.

Soon we’re just talking about nothing and everything as the day passes by outside the cafe. I don’t put on an act, I’m myself, a merged version of who I am in my head and who I am on the outside.

I hold both their hands and it feels right. It feels like this could work.

It feels like everything is falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there it is! i love my poly kids and i loved writing this it's been so much fun! i hope you enjoyed my take on teenage oliver and liked my ocs because i really do! this big bang project has been great and i can't thank the people who arranged it and took part enough, you're all brilliant :)  
> \- Skye x


End file.
